VIDEO: Top 100 Things Not to Say to a Cop

April 20, 20132 Comments


This week I decided to make Top 100 Things NOT to Say to a Cop. This video was made in conjunction with a couple of my friends called The Homeless Heroes. The group is based out of Tampa, Florida and they are comprised of two people. Travis Settineri is the artist who draws the paintings and Jerrell Johnson is the rapper who freestyles about the artwork. These guys are some of my close friends so I highly recommend you check them out here:

Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

Top 100 Things Not to Say to a Cop List:
100) I can’t hear you.
99) DAHECK do you want?
98) You want a beer? I got a couple in the back.
97) I drank some.
96) You’re not going to find anything. I already hid the body.
95) These are not the droids you were looking for.
94) I mean you’re black, come on man. Cut me some slack.
93) You’re with them now?
92) You do not want to give me a ticket.
91) I am not here.
I had some complaints about the noise.
90) I have some complaints about your breath. My gosh!
89) I was not speeding.
88) Do you brush your teeth?
87) You need to start flossing.
86) Move along.
85) Look man, I didn’t know I was speeding. My eyes were shut.
84) I thought I smelled doughnuts.
83) Do you take bribes?
82) ¡Cállate la boca!
81) You’re not going to check the trunk are you?
80) What are you doing? Dunkin Doughnuts is having a sale right now! Buy one get one.
79) I was just on my way to your sister’s house.
78) That’s all you got?
77) Yeah, I thought about becoming a cop…then I graduated from high school.
76) Just come back in fifteen minutes. I’m on the phone. Thank you.
75) What seems to be the officer problem?
74) I’m high.
73) You know I could kill you if I wanted to.
72) This isn’t even my car, ok? I stole it!
71) So you’re just going to give me a ticket? You’re not going to take the drugs in the backseat?
70) She told me she was eighteen!
69) Can you hurry this up please? I gotta get back to your wife.
68) Oh, ok. So we’re going to do it rough huh? Guess it runs in the family.
67) If I were you, I’d let me go.
66) I swear to drunk, I’m not God.
Alright I want you to stand on one leg for ten seconds.
65) What you really want is a donut.
64) I thought you had to be in good shape to be a police officer. What DAHECK! Are you serious?
63) I’m not going to lie, if you don’t let me go right now I’m just going to take a dump in my pants.
62) I swear to high, hahahahahahaha. I’m not God. I’m not God. I’m not God. Hahahahahaha.
61) I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing that ticket.
60) You are dreaming. You’re dreaming.
59) Here you go officer. Oh, that’s the fake one!
58) You guys see that?
57) You completely just killed my buzz.
56) You’re the guy from the Village People!
55) You let me go, I won’t murder you. How bout that?
53) I pay your salary.
52) You must’ve been doing like 125 to keep up with me.
51) Ahhh!
Say the alphabet backwards from Z to A please.
50) Man, I can’t even do that when I’m sober.
49) I know you can’t
48) I didn’t even know I was speeding. I feel asleep like five minutes ago.
47) That’s a really nice gun. Want to see mine?
46) I bet you won’t tase me. Do it! Do it!
45) You won’t.
44) Ok, fine. I killed her.
43) You are so ugly. Dang!
42) No hablo Inglés. That means I don’t speak English. Hello?
41) Who know what this is?
40) Is it true people become police officers because they’re too dumb to work at McDonalds?
39) I don’t know how fast I was going. I was on the phone.
38) I was texting.
37) I was thinking of your daughter.
36) I bet you like that, don’t you?
35) Catch.
34) Is that like a bird over there? Is that like a bird…over…there? Over…
33) We didn’t order any strippers.
32) I only stopped because I thought you were a prostitute.
31) I’m not drinking and driving. I’m already drunk.
How high are you?
30) No officer, it’s hi, how are you?
29) Go away!
28) Can we hurry this up please? Some of us have real jobs to get to.
27) Bad cop! No doughnut!
26) You know, I can tell just from looking at you, you’re probably a virgin.
25) Guess they’re just letting anyone into the academy these days.
24) Popped a molly I’m sweating. Woo!
23) Do you know why I let you pull me over?
22) Bro, honestly, Tic Tac.
21) Is the reason you’re stopping me because I hit that kid back there? I barely nipped him.
20) Your life must suck.
19) No, I don’t know how fast I was going. I bet you’re going to tell me though.
18) Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do…whatcha…Oh hey.
17) Don’t you have anything else better to do?
16) What is that? Do you see that? What is that? Oh my gosh. What the? Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! I’m just joking. It’s my hand.
15) There’s nobody here. I’m not even here right now.
14) You see the news about that one police officer that died? It was tragic. I’d hate for it to happen again.
13) That gun ain’t nothing compared to the one I got in the trunk!
12) I thought you wanted to race.
11) He went that way.
10) So is this the same test you gotta do to become a police officer?
9) Just take what you need. We’ll call it even.
8) Don’t act like you’ve never done PCP before.
7) Yolo.
6) Don’t act like you’ve never done a hit and run.
5) I’m not going back to jail.
4) Oh, I’m so glad you guys are here. Look, someone stole all my weed.
3) You want a doughnut? You want a doughnut? Fetch!
2) Someone stole my crack pipe. Where do you get another one of those?
1) It’s because I’m black isn’t it?

What Top 100 video should I make next?
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About the Author ()

Cameron "Scooter" Magruder is an actor, producer, and new media personality who creates weekly videos for his YouTube account ScooterMagruder. His videos have been featured on the Today Show, NBATV, The Huffington Post,, the Orlando Sentinel, and more. If you would like to contact Scooter Magruder, please navigate to the contact page.

Comments (2)

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  1. QueenBee77 says:

    I ABSOLUTELY love this! I wish you were in my area, my family would love to star in your vids lol

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