VIDEO: Top 100 Things Not To Say To Your Girlfriend

April 21, 20132 Comments


For this video, I decided to make Top 100 Things Not to Say to your Girlfriend. This video was one of the easiest to write, especially with all the suggestions from you guys!

A huge thanks to Jazmin for letting me make fun of her for hours! A lot of people assumed that Jazmin was my girlfriend since she was in this video. Since I like to remain mysterious, I’ll let you believe what you want.

What else shouldn’t you say to your girlfriend?

Top 100 Things Not to Say to Your Girlfriend List:
100) You need to wear more makeup.
99) Aren’t you supposed to be eating healthy?
98) Your mom is a milf.
97) Is your sister single?
96) The more you talk the less I like you.
95) Go make me a sandwich!
94) You’re easily replaceable.
93) A personal trainer wouldn’t hurt though.
92) You almost have as much facial hair as I do.
91) I’d never have children with you.
90) What’s your name again?
Do these horizontal stripes make me look fat?
89) Yes.
88) My mom says we’ll never work out.
87) Wait, no, no, no. You definitely do not need dessert.
86) Maybe we could go out to dinner tonight, but I mean…you’d have to pay for it.
-Girlfriend: Are you listening to me?
85) Huh?
84) There’s a reason why all the presidents have been men.
83) You used to be fun like that.
82) I’m only dating you because you’re rich.
81) You are so hairy.
80) When you don’t wear makeup you look hideous.
79) If you cut your hair I’m going to dump you.
78) I just want to see other people…to make sure you’re the one.
77) You remind me of my second wife a lot.
-Girlfriend: Second wife?
Yeah, I didn’t tell you about her?
-Girlfriend: So I was thinking that maybe tomorrow we could just go…
76) Shut up!
75) What are you doing out of the kitchen?
74) I have no intention of marrying you.
73) That’s what you’re wearing for real though? Like seriously?
-Girlfriend: Yes.
72) You’re not going to change?
71) You used to look pretty like that.
70) If we broke up, would you be mad if I dated your friend, hypothetically speaking of course?
-Girlfriend: Yes!
69) How do you feel about three-somes?
68) You’re not really my type.
67) I guess I just settled.
66) Women should not play sports.
65) You look really tired.
-Girlfriend: I chipped my nails.
64) I don’t care.
63) Stop talking to me.
62) Whoever taught you how to cook needs to retire.
-Girlfriend: That’s my mom!
61) Makes sense.
60) Do you ever stop talking?
59) How do you feel about an open relationship?
58) Would you be ok if I did porn?
57) We can do it together.
56) Honestly, I just figured I’d date you until I found someone more attractive.
-Girlfriend: Is this game more important than our relationship?
55) It is right now.
54) I’m just saying, your built like a man.
53) I didn’t forget our anniversary. I just didn’t want to buy you anything.
52) Every time you talk, I feel dumber.
51) You know um, you’re just my rebound.
50) She’s just a friend.
-Girlfriend: She’s your ex-girlfriend.
I mean, that’s what some people would say, but I mean, that’s just a term.
49) You suck.
-Girlfriend: Does this make me look fat?
48) No, your love handles do.
47) You should really start brushing your teeth more. What DAHECK? This is affecting my gameplay.
46) Remember when you used to be skinny?
45) You’re like the 5th prettiest girlfriend I’ve had anyways.
44) I heard you were easy. Is this true? When does this become easy?
43) You would look better blonde.
42) My ex is a way better cook than you.
41) What…what is this?
40) I didn’t think you would find out.
39) Plus, it’s not cheating if it’s in a different area code.
38) I didn’t know PMS could last a whole month!
37) I’m barely attracted to you.
36) Are you pregnant?
35) Are you just gaining weight? What’s going on here?
34) You’re more fun when you’re drunk.
33) I’m not looking for anything serious.
32) Women shouldn’t even be allowed to vote.
31) I could kill you if I wanted to.
30) This car seems a lot heavier with you in it.
-Girlfriend: Wow!
Yeah, that’s what I was saying.
-Girlfriend: Why do you always do that? Why do you always have to hit on my friends?
29) Is it that time of month?
28) Why do you always have that weird look on your face?
-Girlfriend: What weird look on my face?
Exactly, that’s exactly what I’m talking about right there.
27) I hate everyone in your family.
26) A woman’s place is in the kitchen.
25) I can do better than you.
24) Your friends are so hot.
23) It sucks I got stuck with you.
-Girlfriend: Does this make me look fat?
Do you want me to answer that truthfully?
-Girlfriend: Yes.
22) Think you just answered your own question.
21) I’ve never cheated on you more than once.
20) I don’t really have time for you right now.
19) My mom thinks you should go on a diet.
18) I’d say I agree with her too.
17) You should really start running again.
-Girlfriend: I am!
16) Well you need to run more.
15) Does your breath always smell this bad?
14) I bet you were a man in a past life.
13) Have you ever considered a boob job?
12) Calm down.
11) Relax. Take a chill pill. You’re here. Look at where you are. I need you to be here. OK? Tu entiendes?
10) You have the weirdest smile.
9) When’s your birthday again?
8) I think we should go on a diet together.
-Girlfriend: No.
7) Well, how about you just go on a diet.
6) If you gain any more weight I will dump you.
5) That’s not how my ex did it.
4) Pull my finger.
3) I don’t understand how you have so many stretch marks.
2) Where are your ankles?
You were dancing with another girl. You told me you were going to be home at a certain time and you weren’t.
1) Look, you’re crazy.

What Top 100 video should I make next?
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About the Author ()

Cameron "Scooter" Magruder is an actor, producer, and new media personality who creates weekly videos for his YouTube account ScooterMagruder. His videos have been featured on the Today Show, NBATV, The Huffington Post,, the Orlando Sentinel, and more. If you would like to contact Scooter Magruder, please navigate to the contact page.

Comments (2)

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  1. Jazmin says:

    I had so much fun, can’t wait til our next video.

    PS: it’s okay that you made fun of me for hours because in the end I got to slap you. Kinda hard 🙂 hahaha


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