VIDEO: Top 100 Things Not To Say On A First Date

July 7, 201326 Comments


It’s been a while since I made my last Top 100 video. I decided to hit you guys with Top 100 Things Not To Say On A First Date. I’m not going to lie, I may or may not have said some of the things on this list.

What’s the worst thing you’ve said on a first date?

UPDATE: 7/19/13 This video aired on the Today Show!

Top 100 Things Not To Say On A First Date:
100) You look a lot different than your profile picture.
99) I just get constipated really easily.
98) You look so much like my ex.
97) Wait, so how much money do you make though?
96) My last relationship was a disaster. Woo!
95) I’ve only been charged twice.
94) Are you on the pill?
93) Who beat the case? I beat the case!
92) We can go back to my place once my parents are asleep.
91) What’s the average time you make a guy wait?
90) All be right back, I gotta call my parole officer.
89) I just wonder what our children would look like together.
88) Do you want to see my Pokémon card collection?
87) Don’t Google me.
86) Is your sister single still?
85) How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
84) Yeah, I actually was…engaged last week.
83) You know, you’re the first real girl I’ve been on a date with.
82) My therapist says I get really attached to people.
81) I usually date models.
80) I don’t normally date black girls.
79) I think I hooked up with one of your friends.
78) I normally don’t date Mexicans though.
-I’m not Mexican.
77) My mom hates white girls.
76) Aren’t all Hispanic people Mexican?
What do you mean?
75) Yes they are.
74) I didn’t get my welfare check yet so…you might have to get all this.
73) Can we make this quick. I’m meeting someone after this.
72) She’s a little bit hotter than you also.
71) This was fun. Gotta go get back to my wife.
70) So is that like a Wonder-Bra?
69) So…what bra-size do you wear?
68) Could you please breathe through your nose!
67) People always confuse prison with jail. I’ve only been to one.
66) Did you see our waitress though? She’s kinda hot.
65) My family actually has a history of mental illness.
64) Are you a virgin?
63) Can we get married so I can get my green card?
62) Mom? Yeah, I found someone. We’ll be over later, just make sure you have some clothes on.
61) I actually have 13 toes.
60) The only reason I’m here is because I lost a bet.
59) I get $20 extra if I get you to come home with me.
58) We could split it.
57) We’re like boyfriend and girlfriend, right?
56) You’d be way cuter if you would just grow your hair out.
55) Stop what you’re doing now…
54) …and start looking better is what I’m saying. I’m trying to help you out, ok?
53) Hopefully my ex doesn’t interfere in this relationship.
52) Wait, so are those real?
51) Could you loan me $200 dollars?
50) OK, $150.
49) She’s crazy. I had to get a restraining order.
48) Can I touch them?
47) She’s literally crazy.
46) Like psychotic.
45) She has to take pills every 30 minutes.
44) Yeah, well two. One’s for the herpes…I didn’t get it.
43) I’m a carrier.
42) I’m pretty sure I’m straight.
41) Everyone has herpes.
-No, everyone does not.
40) I just got out of rehab again so…
39) This is my third time. I think it’ll work.
38) I only asked you out because my parents thought I was gay.
-Are you serious?
37) How much do you weigh?
36) What are you like 170?
35) 180?
34) Yeah, my ex, she mysteriously disappeared. They never found her body.
33) And they never will.
32) How many guys have you been with?
31) How many people have you slept with?
30) More or less than 10 guys?
29) I’m just looking for someone who can financially support me.
28) More or less than 30?
27) How do you feel about role-playing?
26) Wanna hear a funny rape joke?
25) How do you feel about cross-dressing?
24) I got to take this. This is my girlfriend. I’ll be back.
-You’re girlfriend?
23) How do you feel about gonorrhea?
22) –I’m going to go use the restroom really quick, ok?
Ok, number one or number two?
21) I’m not allowed 500 feet within a school.
20) Do you want to come to my family reunion tomorrow?
19) Would you mind if I live-tweeted our date right now?
18) What size are those? They’re going to want to know.
-Are you serious right now?
I’ll estimate.
17) I want to move out. I just like living with my mom.
16) I was thinking you could pay for dinner tonight.
15) I’ll get the next one though.
14) –Hey
Does your breath always smell like this?
13) I just don’t have time for a job right now. You know what I’m saying?
12) Wait, so just add me on Facebook right now. Hold on, I’ll do it actually cause I’m hard to find. Search options. Ohh, here we go. I’m right there. Friends!
-Oh yay.
11) Wait, you want to put in a relationship though?
10) You sounded a lot skinnier on the phone.
9) I’ll be back. I gotta go take a dump right quick. Oh my goodness!
8) This is normally when I’m playing World of Warcraft.
7) Ugh! What the!
6) Hold this right quick.
5) I hate dogs.
4) I just pictured you naked. Oops!
3) I was actually born a woman.
2) I think…I think I love you. You know what? You know what?
-No, I’m sorry.
Will you marry me?
-I can’t do this. I’m sorry.
Will you marry me? Don’t walk…don’t go away! Don’t go!
It was nice meeting you.
1) I know where you live.

What Top 100 video should I make next?
Tweet me suggestions at

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About the Author ()

Cameron "Scooter" Magruder is an actor, producer, and new media personality who creates weekly videos for his YouTube account ScooterMagruder. His videos have been featured on the Today Show, NBATV, The Huffington Post,, the Orlando Sentinel, and more. If you would like to contact Scooter Magruder, please navigate to the contact page.

Comments (26)

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  1. D.Wade says:

    Dude..That is the craziest …. I have seen.. Wow.. One of your best. Thanks For Making Me Laugh..

  2. dan says:

    hey man first of all, love this vid its hilarious. but i remember last year you made 4 vids of not about that life, and said that yolo was gona be next, but that never came out.. i know I’m late but i just wanted to know what happened to that vid.. thank you hahaha

  3. Nick says:

    Scooter, Scooter, Scooter. You never cease to amaze me. Nick here.

    As a lifelong Bucs fan, I loved Monte Kiffin for years, how do you see him doing with the Cowboys defense? He has a lot of good, young players. I think they could be similar to the Bucs of the late 90′-early 2000’s. What do you think, Scooter?

    • Nick, Nick, Nick. Glad you liked the video man!

      Monte Kiffin is a defensive mastermind and I am so glad we finally are switching to a 4-3. I think the switch will be just what the Cowboys need!

  4. Doctor professor says:

    Hey sorry about all the suggestions, i bet its annoying, but maybe stuff knicks fans say or top 100 things to do when your bored

  5. Summer M. says:

    Just passed FSU!

  6. Autumn says:

    Hey so like I was just curious if you had a boob obsession or something.I don’t care if you do I was just wondering.

  7. Emeka Ajufo says:

    Always quality stuff, I’ll be checking for your video tomorrow night on the Today Show. Nice to see a fellow gator doing big things!

  8. teresa caprio says:

    STOP! You are glad I watched Hoda and Kathie Lee TODAY.

  9. Mark says:

    Glad I came across your site. HILARIOUS!!!!!! Keep rockin’ it!

  10. Shannon says:

    Haha this is awesome! I love your videos, they make me laugh a lot! I love this and the not about that life series too, my favorites! 🙂 Thanks for making my day!

  11. Steven says:

    First of all, I’ve been subscribed to your channel for a long time and this video is one of my favorites! Second, who is the blonde girl? She is absolutely stunning! She should start doing youtube or something if she doesn’t already, cause I know I’m not the only one who thinks this.

    • Hey Steven,

      Glad you’ve stuck through with me whole time! This is one of my favorites as well. The blonde is a high school friend who I failed to wife haha.

      She actually has been looking into starting a channel…I’ll send her your regards


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