VIDEO: Top 100 Things White People Say to Black People

May 11, 201410 Comments

 

This video has been a long time in the making. Initially, I decided to delay making the video because I was up for various jobs and thought the video would ruffle some feathers. Well, I didn’t get any of the jobs…so I’m ruffling ALL THE FEATHERS.

You may or may not agree with this list, you may think this list is racist, you may think I’m making up some of this stuff, but the the truth of the matter is…everything in this video has either been said to me or overheard being said to another person of color.

With that being said, there was no ill-will making this video. I love white people! And I hope they Top 100 Things White People Say to Black People as much as I do!

Have you heard or said any of these things? Don’t lie.

Top 100 Things White People Say to Black People
1) Do you live in the ghetto?
2) I voted for Obama too.
3) You’re the whitest black dude I know.
4) You’re so articulate for a black girl.
5) Why do black people wear du-rags?
6) How do black people get those circles in their hair?
7) Do you freestyle?
8) Do you rap?
9) Scholarships should not be based on race cause there are poor white people too.
10) I’m totally blacker than you.
11) It’s like your one of us.
12) Can you teach me how to twerk?
13) Why do you talk white?
14) I’ve always wanted to date a black girl.
15) Why can’t you get your hair wet?
16) Hey dude, we’re having a pool party. Wait, can you swim?
17) Do you know JaMichael?
18) Do you know La’Danaivian?
19) What about La’Quann?
20) Do you know Lakesha?
21) Or Lakiesha?
22) Do you know LaShandra?
23) I don’t know. Her hair’s really nappy. She’s black.
24) Affirmative action is reverse racism.
25) You got any Kool-aid around here, haha?
26) You got any watermelon around here man, haha?
27) Dude, I’m totally down with the sisters man!
28) I’m trying to tell you man. White Chocolate.
29) Why isn’t there a white history month? I mean, that’s reverse racism.
30) If Eminem was black, people would think he was the better rapper alive.
31) Wait, so do you go to one of those black churches?
32) Always wanted to go to one, bro.
33) I don’t want to sound racist but…
34) I’m not racist but…
35) No offense but…
36) If Paula Deen was black…
37) If Donald Sterling was black…
38) If George Zimmerman was black…
39) …no one would’ve cared. Dude c’mon!
40) Why do black people tap their cornrows?
41) Why do black people get tattoos if you can’t see them?
42) Why do black people like Tyler Perry movies?
43) You’re so lucky you don’t have to tan.
44) All I’m saying is, Obama didn’t need welfare.
45) Black people are such good athletes.
46) I think you guys have an extra calf muscle or something.
47) Sometimes I wish I was black just so I could dunk…
48) …but then sometimes I don’t because of the police brutality stuff.
49) Wait, do you brush your hair too?
50) Do you shampoo your hair?
51) Who’s your favorite rapper?
52) He’s kinda attractive for a black guy.
And then I was like “Bye Felicia”
53) Who’s Felicia?
54) Alright sista!
55) Alright girlfriend!
56) I wish I had curves like a black girl.
57) I wish I could dance like a black girl.
58) Honestly, I wish I was a black girl sometimes…just so I could twerk.
59) I’m not even all white. I’m like 50% Irish and 25% Catholic.
60) I’m so sorry for what happened during slavery. The more I think about it, the more it hurts me!
61) Slavery happened so long ago. How am I responsible for that? Sorry I was born white.
62) You’re my token black friend.
63) You’re not like a regular black girl.
64) What’s up my ninja? I said ninja. I said ninja!
65) Do you celebrate Kwanzaa?
66) Can you get sunburned?
67) Is your hair naturally curly?
68) I don’t understand what the big deal is…everyone likes fried chicken.
69) Is it true what they say about black guys?
70) What does “yeet” mean?
71) What does “thot” mean?
72) What does “turn up” mean?
73) Wait, you listen to country music?
74) Why do black people like big rims on their car? That’s kinda ghetto.
75) Can you krump?
76) White Chicks is so funny!
77) Wayne Brady is so funny.
78) My dad’s not racist, but he would never let me date a black guy.
79) I had a few black friends in high school.
80) Oh my gosh…do you like Drake? I love him.
81) Al Sharpton is so racist to white people it’s not even funny.
82) You can’t be racist if you’re black, right?
83) Alright brotha…I’m out.
84) Why do you always smell like cocoa butter?
85) You got any collard greens around here?
86) Do you know how to cook chitterlings? What are those?
87) Bro, you gotta admit: Miley can twerk though.
88) Why do black people like hot sauce so much?
89) Why do black people like grape soda so much?
90) Why do black people sag?
91) What are you doing to your hair right now? Is that all your hair?
92) Is that weave?
93) Is that all your hair?
94) You people always make everything about race.
95) Honestly, black people are more racist than white people.
96) Bro, you should totally grow an afro.
97) Does your sister know how to braid hair?
98) What part of Africa are you from? Are you from Zimbabwe?
99) So you can say the n-word, but I can’t?
100) Can I touch your hair?

What Top 100 video should I make next?
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About the Author ()

Cameron "Scooter" Magruder is an actor, producer, and new media personality who creates weekly videos for his YouTube account ScooterMagruder. His videos have been featured on the Today Show, NBATV, The Huffington Post, ESPN.com, the Orlando Sentinel, and more. If you would like to contact Scooter Magruder, please navigate to the contact page.


Comments (10)

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  1. Nick says:

    Hey Scooter. Nick here. I’m white and I found this video hilarious, though that’s irrelevant.

    Anyways, who are some of your favorite comedians?

  2. TheMelancholicAlcoholic says:

    Related, but as funny:
    http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/05/07/white-privilege-at-princeton-never.html

    Plus, it’s really hard to express these 8 points in bumper stickers, but I got one:
    If anti-racism makes one a racist, then Benjamin Nethayahu (prime-minister of Israel) is the worlds biggest pro-Nazi …

  3. TheMelancholicAlcoholic says:

    Yes, the trick is replacing ‘black’ with ‘jewish’ in every racist thing whites say, but to do it in a funny and snappy way … Last part is the hardest.

    Simply saying: “you wouldn’t say that about jews” won’t get your point across and won’t make them feel it.

  4. Travis says:

    101: Great video Scooter.

    I found a few of them a little offensive, but as they say “if it doesn’t offend anyone it probably isn’t funny”.

    As a Christian, I’m sometimes embarrassed by stupid/offensive things other Christians tend to say to non-believers. I guess the same is true about this situation.

  5. Patricia Aguerrevere Tsalickis says:

    Scooter! Long time no see 🙂 I saw your snaps and I just wanted to say that the royal wedding happened in St. Paul’s Cathedral, not Westminster Abbey, but it’s all good! I hope you are enjoying London because it’s an amazing city!!!

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